Winning, not what you think

I hit submit. On my “artistic” application to NUUN’s Hood to Coast team of 12 runners. Immediately, anxiety nibbled. I felt nauseated. What had I done? I drove out to scout camp w/my teenagers Friday. All of a sudden, the nagging lack of confidence, that self doubt I felt through all 3 miles Thursday hit (struggling, after not eating all day… go figure, bad runner) – the doubt train ran over me outside Pt. Orchard, WA, on a rural road. Fear at letting someone else down, should they somehow find my application and my blog worth looking at. I silently found myself praying “God, don’t let me make it”, then immediately lamented my serious lack of faith in myself, which generally ends my unfinished goal, was once again running amuck.

I shut my internal mind off & went about the weekend. As I sat by Camp Lyle McLeod’s boat house, finished my provoking Ayn Rand book, opened my daypack & pulled out the other book. A title that got my interest at the library. “The Runners Guide to the Meaning of Life” by someone named Amby Burfoot. Well, okay. Running has been a healing adventure for me and I thought maybe someone else had the same experience. I was not disappointed as the first page, Acknowledgements, hooked me.

“As runners, we all go through many transitions that closely mimic the larger changes we experience in a lifetime. It’s not about how fast you go….how far you go. It’s a process. As we run, we become.” Yes indeed.

The first lesson “Why Run”. My answer, Because I can. I shook my head in agreement as she wrote “..running clarifies the thinking process..I think best, broadly, fully, when I am running.” Amen. That is where I am purified.

Second lesson “Starting Lines”. Having recently been to the San Diego race, I experienced the pure excitement found at the starting line as all the runners are eager to begin their race. When I looked for a spot to sign my family up to volunteer in Seattle, the starting line received my immediate attention. But this lesson is not about a running starting line, as it is about the various starting lines of life. “When I think back over my own life, with its full share of first days, I recall that they all terrified me. I didn’t always go willingly...yet I wouldn’t have given up those days. They were some of the best days of my life. Beginnings are like that – frightening & rewarding. The fear factor, too many people shy away...many of us get caught up in the bad stuff. We see mainly darkness, not light…frozen in place; we don’t get ourselves to the starting line.”

Tears stung my eyes on that boat dock as I realized, it was okay. My internal doubt, normal. My frustration at the setback, typical. And that I could recognize the fear in my mental board meeting, saying I wasn’t good enough to meet that starting line. Having been at 8 miles after hard work, only to be forced back, panicking at my stupidity at submitting this silly application, not recognizing my weakness as a runner, this told me to stop. She goes on to talk about her own derailments. This 1968 Boston Marathon WINNER(oh hail The Boston) offered acceptance to a runner that had no intention or anticipation of being able to run The Boston. And the Executive Editor of this little magazine I get every month, called “Runner’s World”. She might know something. She says “Whatever you’re imagining won’t turn out nearly so bad”. Can I bet on that?

Which brings me to the current lesson 4. “Winning” The lesson is worth repeating in almost it’s entirety. I edited some of it but I did not take liberties and submit it in this long winded blog entry.


Amby Burfoot:

In the Race to be your best, there is no losing.

The biggest road race I know, the San Francisco Bay to Breakers race, attracts about 75,000 runners every eyar. From that huge throng, one of them is first to cross the finish line. That one runner receives the first place check and the next day gets to read his name in the newspaper headlines. The undeniable.winner.

So what does that make the other 74,999 runners? Losers? Not in my mind. Not to all those runners.

One of the great benefits of running is that it teaches us to value the individual – or self. We may run a race..with others but we’re primarily concerned about our own outcome. In truth, we don’t care much about the winners effort. We care only about our own. Because we too want to win the race. And we can. We will. As long as we run a race that satisfies our souls.

George Sheehan may have been the most competitive runner I ever knew. Widely known for his books & more than 20 years of columns in Runners World mag, he was acknowledged to be runnings philosopher extraordinaire. His writings regularly quoted from the great thinkers – Voltair to Emerson to William James – attracted a wide audience.

But Sheehans philosophical leanings never fooled anyone who knew him. He was first & foremost an elite athlete who ran so hard he collapsed at the end of most road races. He constantly compared himself to other fast runners & records.

Until he got cancer. The disease slowed him, he had to learn a whole new way to live. A shock. It forced him to see his life in many new ways.

I kept trying to get him to come to my office for what I was calling “the last interview. Sheehan was an M.D. & he knew that he was dying. One summer day, his son drove him to our office. The so often triumphant runner was weak, pale, ravaged by cancer. He could walk only with his son’s assistance.

He started several answers slowly, almost gruffly. Then hit his stride & launched into a fascinating exploration. I had known where the interview would end. The biggest question last. “What’s the single most important thing running has taught you about life?”

He began - he had always been a very competitive racer, took great pride in his ability, ran to beat others. That all changed with cancer.

“The most important thing I learned is that there is only one runner in this race. That is me.”

(and this is where the tears stung) –

So too for the rest of us. We may enter races with 75,000 other runners. We may chart our times. We may line up our trophies, see our names in the newspaper...these are ultimately superficial. No one wins every race or forever. Everyone slows down. Everyone becomes reduced by the ravages of time, the side effects of a life fully lived.

Winning is not about headlines & hardware. It’s about attitude. A winner is a person who goes out today, every day & attempts to be the best runner, best person he can be. Winning has nothing to do with racing. Winning is about struggle, effort, optimism and NEVER giving up.

Wining isn’t about today, it’s about tomorrow. A winner never rests on his laurels. It’s not good enough to win one race or have one good season. The winner is the person who gets up tomorrow morning & starts all over again, concentrating again on doing his best, whatever that might be.

I was fortunate enough, at one time in my life, to win a lot of races. The Boston Race was one race many years ago. Few people remember that day. 1968 was one of the most tumultuous in the American century. Martin Luther King was assassinated. Bobby Kennedy assassinated. American cities burned in riots & protests. Against this backdrop the Boston Marathon & gawky 21 yr old who won it, don’t count for much.

This is fine with me. I’m more concerned with today & tomorrow. What can I do right now to make myself a better, happier, healthier person? What can I do to make a small difference in someone else’s life?

We will all answer these questions in different ways, but we must all share the same attitude: The winner’s attitude. We must realize that the quest NEVER ends. There is no finish line. If we are the best athlete and best person we can be, then we have assuredly won the race of life.”


(Grungerun)

Surely there is a running god. Because it speaks to me on the road. And the quandaries I war with on the pavement, are answered shortly after. Am I a runner? Yes I am. Even when my mileage and time feel like an embarrassment when the person standing next to me Boston qualified. Surely they are a true runner & I am a fraud. Yet the message is clear – I am one. And a better person, who’s joy soars when all I can do is stand aside and cheer on someone else to just keep running.

Turn that injury into a blessing

My goal this year was to run the Seattle Rock N Roll on June 25, 2011. Yes, 2 weeks away. Instead, I flew to San Diego to cheer on and witness my best friend run her very first half at the SD Rock N Roll. It was awesome. We were up at 3:30 am, out the door by 4:30. Her husband, kept me rolling in laughter as we cheered her on through her race. We spent 90 minutes at the Starting line, watching as each corral was brought to the starting line & their horn blew in staggered starts. She was in corral 38. Corral 37 gets up, they count down, blow the horn, we tense.... ready for 38 to step up. Suddenly her husband says "they're telling everyone to just go!" NO! Where is she? Dang, we missed her. What? A hand waiving - "There she is!" Turn, aim, CLICK. The back of a woman in green in the midst of the crowd. I hope that's not the way the day goes!

We mosey on out to checkpoint Mile 6, decide we will try to find a closer point since we want to hustle out to the finish line. As we drive around, realizing neither one of us printed the route map.... we get stuck in a closed street trap. We turn around and I say "back to the bridge, where we just were?" Yes, progressing beautifully!

We get to checkpoint 6, "there she is!'... no, not unless she has grown a full beard. "There she is!" "yes?" "No." Waiting, hey look, the water station is empty! Now what do they do. Marathoners, now at their 10 mile mark, cry up to us "hey up there, show us some love!" CHEER, CLAP, RUN ON Rockers!

Finally, here she comes, hubby gets all the spectators to yell her name, she looks up surprised and big smile, waves - CLICK! Redeemed! :)

We head to the trolley, get to Mile 10, have a discussion on whether to run to the Starbucks, because surely we have about 15 minutes or so.... decide to just check it out, get over to the curb, I say to her hubby, maybe you should walk up, stand on the sign & let me know when you see her. Suddenly, my camera blinks "low battery" and I growl, flip off the camera. I say I'll need warning because my camera needs a head start to be ready. He says "Um, THERE SHE IS". Having been subject to his teasing all day, I say "yea right, funny". He says "NO REALLY!" I look up, crap - it is her and she's right there! He runs to the right to click photos on his phone, I run left to give my camera time and get in front of her. Turn, CLICK! YES! She's sweaty, she cut time off, blurts out "WHERE's the CAR?!" and moves on. We realize - no time for Starbucks and we better run to the finish line cuz she's bookin' the last 3.1!

1 mile to the finish line, turns to what I'm sure is close to 2. He turns to me and says "if I'm a spectator, why am I walking 13 miles today?"

She gets to the finish line, tears stream down my face and I am so proud, so glad to witness my best friend, who's been by my side for over 15 years, achieve her biggest goal (after raising twins, ha!). Those of us that struggle with ourselves and achieving our goals, after serving the world, know - this was a deep, emotional moment.

I will not be running the June 25th in Seattle because my foot has given me some time off. I'm slowly moving back into the road. But I took that disappointment (yes,it hurt to not be running today, there is an ache...) and put my sisters run first. I will take my teens and we will volunteer @ Seattle. The next best thing to running, is cheering others on to accomplish their goals. It's food for the Running God and someday, the god will repay me! ;)

Run On.